Don’t Ever Ask This

It was Saturday. I’d run out of my medication. The doctor’s office was closed. I called the pharmacist who said, “I can’t help you. Why didn’t you refill it on Friday?” Her question raised my hackles up. “I was busy and at work all day. How can you help me now?”

After pondering why I was so irritated, I decided that I will never be that person who asks myself or anyone else, ‘Why didn’t you…?’ It has to be the most pointless, asinine question. The question is rooted in an unchangeable past and is the source of much unhappiness, at least for me. It is a question that keeps one stuck in regret and blame, and unable to move forward to problem solve quickly and effectively. Why didn’t I file the tax papers away so I could find them easily at tax time? Why didn’t you do your homework? Why did you leave your essay until the last minute? Pointless! The thing is already done. Not to mention that after this accusatory question is asked, what follows is a comment, usually in our minds, ‘What a dummy I am!’ (or, ‘what a dummy you are!’) I could hear the pharmacist’s unspoken words: Why are you so disorganized? I wouldn’t have made such a mistake, the perfect person that I am!

Every time we ask this question of someone, we’re demoralizing them, basically saying they weren’t intelligent enough to make a better decision. We’re human and we make mistakes. Upon  reflection, I’ve decided to curb myself of the habit of uttering this futile and unproductive question, of myself and anyone else. I’m sure it may slip out on occasion. I may even think it, but I hope in time that I’ll completely eliminate it from my vocabulary and focus on problem-solving. After all, what happened in the past is already done. Why make myself or anyone else feel badly about something we can’t change?