My Good Self

I’m going to blog every two weeks. This is not as easy as it sounds. It’s not that I don’t like blogging. In fact, I love it. What I don’t like is feeling obligated to do anything. The reason is once I have to do something, the rebellious child inside me pipes up, “No I don’t. I’m going to do what I want to do when I want to do it.” This childish voice is strong and it whines about freedom, telling me that I don’t have freedom to live the way I want to. Only recently I’ve realized how much this child inside me holds me back. I’ve spent so much time blaming other people, being bullied when I lived in the States, the economy, the government, etc. for any lack of success, that it blinded me to whom I should really blame: Myself!

The horrible truth that I’ve had to face is that I’m indisciplined at times and I easily lose focus even when the light at the end of the tunnel is right there blinding me. Instead, I turn from the light and run the other way, telling myself I’m not ready to face the light and I’ll get to the end of the tunnel when I’m good and ready.

The truth hurts.

“What? You mean I could have had the life I was meant to live had I shown a little more discipline and focus, a little less fear, a little more confidence in myself? Noooooo!!!” Writing is a lot like exercise (another area where I’ve been indisciplined and lost focus. I used to teach aerobics for heaven’s sake. Now I can’t walk up a flight of stairs without breathing heavily). They both take discipline. A little every day is better than nothing at all and it has nothing to do with freedom. Both take focus. Focus is deciding what it is you really want. If writing and exercise are so important to me as I say they are, then shouldn’t I focus on doing what it takes to get results? This is a no brainer. As I see my body losing its muscular tone and my novel sitting on my computer unfinished as it has been for many years, I feel like beating myself over the head with a stick. Instead of doing that though, I’m going to stop listening to that child who is immature and frankly very silly. I have to talk back to that child and say, “No-one lies on a beach all day. That’s not really freedom. Hush. I have a blog to do. And after, I’m going for a walk.”

Just like my latest children’s book Juliet Malevolent, An Evil Tale, where the cake at the launch showed a picture of the benevolent Juliet and the words “Be Your Good Self,” I’m trying to be my good self. It’s not always easy, but I have a strong feeling it’s really going to be worth it.

12 replies
  1. Nicki Riettie
    Nicki Riettie says:

    can I say I LOVE this??? I totally identify with this. One of my toughest challenges was in facing that I have been the only one holding me back from all my goals all this time. (what a nut i have been lol) anyway – the other part of is recognizing that we need balance. So yes – freedom is great! But if we want things, we have to work for them. And we also need to set realistic expectations – like setting a goal of blogging every two weeks instead of three times a week, like I have set for myself and haven’t attained. Setting ourselves up for failure is itself perpetuating self-defeat, so I love the way you are planning and am going to take notes from it! Love this!

  2. Elaine Hirn
    Elaine Hirn says:

    Love that. I also felt recently that teaching a yoga class each week was too demanding and when I stopped I missed it so much. I have decided that life is a journey and we learn as we go along….as long as we do learn then we come to things from a different place. Life is constantly reconfiguration our thoughts so
    take notice and take a new look and move forward. I personally need to stop when I feel the need and move on as I see fit.

  3. Roksana Akter
    Roksana Akter says:

    I think writing is a highly creative thing when you talk about quality writing.So,if you feel it should be done regularly or feel it is a job which should be finished on stipulated time, you will definitely loose your creativity.Better you write when feel your instinct as you are a born writer and feel feel free like a bird about your creative life.

  4. Nastassia
    Nastassia says:

    It’s really hard to strangle this “little you” inside you! This rebel always said you that for you it’s enough, you don’t need something more. But sometimes this rebel can give you good advice. You need only understand that this “little rebel” this advice at needful moment. Just listen carefully)) Unfortunately, without this “little rebel” person will be bored.

  5. Poonam Devi & Meraj
    Poonam Devi & Meraj says:

    First of all we would like to congratulate for your new book “Juliet Malevolent”. We totally agree that we all have two wolves inside us, one is white and other one is black. No matter what, we should follow the good one. Thanks for such a wonderful blog. Kudos to you and your family.

  6. kamiya and poonam nassa
    kamiya and poonam nassa says:

    we are totally agree with you…
    we all have some desires, everyday wants to achieve that but there is a need to put the things into perspective and to put into priority list which are beneficial for us as well as for others.

  7. Tahira Tariq & Huma
    Tahira Tariq & Huma says:

    you said that you are indiscipline and could not focus on your goal, you could not face the truth.I think these things make you insecure.In my point of view you should be realistic, and remove negative toughs that distract your mind and try to understand that what is important and what is not, because when you will start putting things into perspective, it will make you able to listening your good inside yourself.

  8. Isra Hassan
    Isra Hassan says:

    Hi Madam Peta,
    I would like to say thank you for writing this valuable article. I really agree with you that sometimes, we feel obligated of what we are doing. We loss the focus, and stressed out, because the little negative voice inside our heads is whispering to us. “I believe”, if we increase the volume of the positive thinking and DELETE the negative one, we will feel good about ourselves.

    thanks again.

  9. Lalita and vishala
    Lalita and vishala says:

    we are agree with your thoughts. You are true. You are really doing a nice job by making a blog for sharing your precious thoughts with us. Your thoughts are inspiring for us to do right work on right time.
    Thank you

  10. Bhagwant Kaur
    Bhagwant Kaur says:

    I agree with your opinion, If you want to success in every field of life, you ought to be more disciplined in your life, managing your time, avoid excuses, focus the target, and prepare yourself to achieve it. Please don’t blame yourself for any lack of success because everyone goes through these situation. Just focus what you want to do, once you take steps, everything will become easier for you. Believe in yourself, start exercise daily and other things on particular time, I say surely you will get good result.

  11. Kaladevi
    Kaladevi says:

    It is true. Always we two thought come our mind, when we do some thing. One is encourage us and anther one make us lazy. when we listen good one, we can do it whatever we want.congratulation for your future book and Good Luck

  12. musfaca Rahman
    musfaca Rahman says:

    I agree with you , I like your posts. you share your feelings, I understand it very hard to control our emotion. sometime we feel sad and happy we should think positively.I wish you be happy all time.

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